If There is Something You Need to Change… Do It! (Part 1)

This second piece of advice comes from someone I have looked up to since the day I met her.  While sat here, I was trying to think of a way to describe her in order to do her justice. Unfortunately, I don’t think I can, but I will give it a go.

Passionate does not even scratch the surface when it comes to Ro. When I think of her, I know she puts 100% into everything that she does–rugby, her relationship and once upon a time maybe even drinking. You will get to read that story below as she has been gracious enough to allow me to share her personal story. Which!.. is another example of her giving it her all–to help a friend. Ro is brave and kind and strong. She is someone I am fortunate enough to call my friend; she is inspirational, straight-forward and comic relief. Thank you, Ro, for being so much a part of my journey and for making sure I really push myself for “30 While 30.”

This post is going to be split into three parts. First, you are going to read Ro’s story, the message I took from it and my own experience with being sober for 103 days. The second part of this post will be after I complete my own 30 Day Challenge… because letting your body detox is a brilliant idea. The third part of the post may be months from now, but I won’t forget. The final part will be exploring what change I needed to make for myself to make 30 the best year yet! If you can’t tell I am stalling on this one because I really want to make this one meaningful and put more than a week into this advice.

Here’s Ro’s story.

Eight hundred and nineteen days ago, I started something I thought I would never do in a million years.  I gave up drinking alcohol.  It has been the single most difficult thing I have ever done in my 36 years of living life on this planet.  Drinking was my go to, my buddy.  Drinking was always there when I needed it.  It never let me down.  I always felt better when I was drinking.

It didn’t take me long to realize that alcohol was taking over my life in a negative way.  My tendency to make bad decisions was usually fueled by my uncanny ability to drink massive amounts of alcohol.  Often, I would wake up the next morning and not remember much from the night before, later to be informed that I had done something offensive or hurtful or both. I used to think that was funny.  Not no mo.

Like everyone else that appreciates a nice, alcoholic beverage every once in awhile, I had more than my share of good times while intoxicated.  The best, actually.  After awhile though, drinking wasn’t fun anymore.  It only fueled the sadness, frustration and anger that I been keeping to myself for the last twenty years.  I never dealt with any my shit because I always drank!  Drinking alcohol numbed me so I didn’t have to feel any of that emotion, ever.  Twenty years of binge drinking can take a toll on a person.  I eventually realized that I had become someone that I despised.  I was miserable person and I was taking it out on everyone around me.  I didn’t like who was staring back at me when I looked in the mirror.  I HAD to make a change.

 If you drink too much, you know who you are.  You don’t need me or anyone else to tell you otherwise.  If shit in your life isn’t where you want it to be… if you aren’t feeling like yourself and you constantly have a negative perspective on everything… If you are feeling depressed, like you have this dark cloud hanging over you, then try something different.  Make a fucking change.  Do better for yourself.  Make a conscious effort to not drink alcohol for an extended period of time.  Not just one or two days.  Not just one or two weeks.  Try the 30-day challenge and see how you feel.  I felt better physically and emotionally.  My perspective on life became more positive.  I was actually taking care of myself and it made me feel better so I just kept on going after day 30.  Hey, why the hell not?!  I have learned more about myself and have grown more as a person in these last two years than I have in my entire life.  Why the fuck would I go back to drinking, when all this good shit is happening to me!

When I tell people that I haven’t had a drink in over two years, the most common response I get is,  “Wow, I would never be able to do that.”   Let me tell you something.  People are more resilient than they think.  YOU are more resilient than you think.  YOU are stronger than you seem.  If you are trying not to drink, then don’t drink.  It’s that simple.  I was shocked to discover how much I drank strictly out of habit or sheer boredom.  I let alcohol control and consume my life for 20 years and it almost destroyed me.  Don’t let alcohol control you.  Take charge of your life and do better for YOU. 

PS:  Thought I would leave you with one of my favorite quotes.  This was sent to me from a dear friend on Day 10 of my 30-Day Challenge.

“I was always looking outside myself for strength and confidence, but it comes from within.  It is there all of the time.”

 -Anna Freud

Just reading this is powerful. I think at one time or another, most of us have drank too much and made some pretty poor decisions. Some people can drink and others cannot, I am still trying to figure out which category I fall in. Sometimes it can be great and other times not so much. The message I get from this is simply to change what you don’t like about yourself–or what you NEED to change. This, of course, is much easier said than done. I think, though, that anything that is worth anything will push you to the edge. Change can be scary and hard, but it is a hell of a lot better than being stuck.

I boxed for charity this year and decided that I would give up the booze. For 103 days (through Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Years and countless birthdays/parties) I did not drink. For 103 days, I also did not hang out with my friends as much as I would have because navigating in a world sober after you have been drinking in it for years is really freaking hard. None of my friends pressured me to drink, but going to a bar to watch the game and just sipping on water did not feel right and it is hard to do things that make you uncomfortable. However, I noticed some pretty amazing changes. No, I did not lose weight–very disappointed in that aspect.  I did sleep better though and woke up with so much energy. I didn’t have a headache, I didn’t have to wonder if I sent a stupid text or did something I might later regret. I did not spend money on alcohol or the drunk food or cab rides! My body also felt healthier in a way that I can’t quite describe. Now all of this may have been a combination of the new workout regimen and the no booze rule, but either way the results were pretty awesome. I was also damn proud of myself. 3.5 months was challenging and rewarding–this was just a minor glimpse of what Ro does day in and day out. Because of that (and so many other things) I have nothing but respect for her.

If any of you are looking for a rewarding challenge–try going without booze for a month. Who knows–maybe you will do it longer. Stay tuned for my 30 days sober…during rugby season!… *gasp* and also for my much needed change that remains TBD.

This is thirty.

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One thought on “If There is Something You Need to Change… Do It! (Part 1)

  1. Glad your mom sent this link to your blog. Looking forward to more. We are never too old to change…take time for ourselves….try something new….how else will each of us get to know ourselves and what we are capable of accomplishing. Wish I had done this myself years ago.

    Liked by 1 person

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